You don’t have to be nice to be loved.
That line cracked something in me.
Because I grew up thinking I did.That if I didn’t get angry, didn’t get furious, didn’t make it awkward—then maybe I’d be loved. Maybe I’d be good. Maybe I’d be safe.
But that’s not true.Being “nice” is not the same as being good.And it’s definitely not the same as being whole.
People want to stuff the truth.They want to act like they don’t get angry, don’t feel resistance, don’t ever reach a point of complete dissatisfaction.
But all of those things—rage, resistance, repulsion—are part of clarity.They’re part of how your body speaks.They show you what’s not right for you.They help you feel what’s real.
And if you keep swallowing them to keep up appearances, you will explode.Or worse—you will disappear.
Stuffing your anger is like letting the fire go inward.It burns you up from the inside.It scatters you into a million little pieces.
You are meant to feel it.You are supposed to ask:“What is this rage trying to show me?”And no—it doesn’t make you a bad person.It makes you honest.
Human beings want to look pure, put-together, good.But being human means carrying both halves:The part that loves. And the part that knows when to say no.The part that gives. And the part that refuses to be used.
And a lot of mental health issues come from trying to amputate that “bad” half—the part that hates being controlled, disrespected, silenced.
But it’s not just mental health.It wrecks your physical health too.
How is a pristine diet supposed to work
when every cell in your body is reeking of suppressed rage and resentment?
You can’t intermittent fast your way out of self-betrayal.You can’t cold plunge your way through chronic resentment.You can’t breathwork your way past years of “being nice” while people disrespected you.
You have to feel it.You have to face it.You have to say:“I trust this anger. It’s showing me what doesn’t belong.”
I stayed in a job for six years that was slowly destroying me.Why?Because I kept second-guessing myself.I kept overriding the part of me that was screaming.That knew.That could feel how wrong it was.
I was the one making that business work.Not just financially—I brought in millions.But through my presence, my vision, my relationships.I was the reason people stayed.I was the reason that place looked successful.
And they treated me like I was disposable.
The anger came to warn me—long before I had words for what was happening.
But instead of listening, I tried to be “understanding.”I made excuses for them.“Oh, they’re just tired.”“They mean well.”“It’s not that bad.”
NO.
People show you who they are through their actions.
And when someone shows you again and again that they don’t value you—
you better fucking believe them.
Because if you don’t?Your body will start to break down in protest.
That’s what happened to me.I stuffed it. I rationalized. I waited.And I got sick.
And now?
Now I listen when my body says:“This is not it.”Now I sit with the heat and say:Thank you. What are you trying to show me?
I tell my kids this every day:It’s okay to be mad.It’s okay to hate something with your whole body.It’s okay to rage.It’s okay to walk away.
That’s not weakness.That’s wisdom.
And if you’re sitting on rage right now—don’t shame it.Ask it what it knows.Ask it what it saw that you didn’t want to see.Let it walk you back to yourself.
Because the moment you stop trying to be “nice” just to keep the peace—is the moment your real life begins.