I went to the outlet mall today to try and find a gift for Jack, my amazing 17-yr old who is the kind of guy who really never asks for anything as he says he has everything he needs.

Well, but he does want a puffy Winter jacket as he wants to go hiking and until now has no heavy Winter coat as we live in Vancouver and he prefers lighter stuff to go from home to school or some outing with friends. And so, there I went to the outlet mall to try and find one that he likes. Didn’t find something he liked, so we are waiting for when he does.

I didn’t like going there. So many people buying and buying and buying.

Somehow this made me really uncomfortable today. I don’t know what it is but something very big shifted in me. The last time I went there was 2 years ago and I spent a couple thousand dollars on clothes and this and that.

I had that voracious feeling that buying something that I thought I needed in that moment was going to truly help me feel good and better. But inevitably, as soon as I got home and put that thing in the closet, it didn’t have the same SPARK.

It was a moment in time. A beautiful shirt, or coat - oh so attractive at the store! If I just buy this, I will feel good and I will be happier.

No. That won’t happen. Because truly, I didn’t really need that thing at that time. I have so many shirts and at least 3 coats. What the hell.

Today, my body was repelling being there. The energy of ‘buying stuff just because it’s the Holidays’ was PALPABLE.

Is it possible that we get jobs and strive for more and more and more to buy stuff we don’t need?

Money is wonderful and I love money but I have changed how I use money tremendously in the last 2 years. Buying only quality things that will take my daily life, joy, career, to the next level. Minimize. NO JUNK. NO stuff just so that others will see me as successful.

People lining up to get into stores to buy one more shoe, one more piece of clothing, one more themed X-mas mug, one more purse….aaaaaaaaaah I just wanted to get the hell out of there. To buy this stuff and then to get home, wrap it, give it, and use it once maybe only for that very thing to be completely forgotten in someone’s closet or cupboard or given away at the first Spring clean up of the year.

Because ‘buying stuff just so others see that we are wearing it, have it, and doing well’ has become an unsaid expectation of society for success.

So you get a job and then you buy ALL THIS STUFF YOU DON’T NEED TO BE HAPPY. This includes everything from knick knacks, decorations, furniture, an actual house, cars, purses, shoes, you name it. AND THEN you gotta stay in that job because now we have to keep up with that lifestyle that you think is making you happy.

And then, sooner or later, you CRASH and BURN and you realize that you’re not happy. No matter how much money you have.

But if you were to ask yourself: what truly makes me happy?

Would that really include having a mortgage and thousands of house problems and maintenance for the better part of your life?

Would that really include your closet full of thousands of dollars worth of designer purses?

Would that really include all the touristy shirts you bought when you visited Europe or Disney World?

I am not saying that having things is wrong per se, but having them because you think it is going to make you happy because of an unconscious societal belief that you picked up that having those things (whatever they are) is called success is NOT helpful for the healthy and fulfilling life you say you want.

This is timely for me because I just quit my job and my paychecks stopped.

And I have never been as happy as I am now with NO paycheck coming in. I have some money saved that I am using until I get my business back on track again but I realized: hey, you didn’t need half of that money you made. And for what? To be in a very toxic work environment day in and day out working like a dog to be unappreciated and undermined? HELL NO. My health, my well-being, my vitality, MY MOJO is just not worth it.

What will actually make me happy?

Sitting at my desk with my Egyptian cotton robe, listening to Andy Salvanos ‘AIR’ track, drinking some tea and dreaming up my business empire.

Working like a dog on my business hell yeah!

Deciding when I want to work and when I don’t.

Rucking with my dear doggo and getting fitter and stronger.

Being able to be here for my kids when they come back from school in the afternoon.

Being out of the flight or fight mode finally after years at that job. (I am still healing and it will take time but this is for another post)

Coaching my dear private clients

Meditating and then taking a nap in the afternoon while on my PEMF mat

I am choosing me 100% this time. And I am so proud of myself.